I figure that because law school is a big part of my life, I should probably tell you about it. My law school experience is very different, I feel very out of place, and I don't want to work at a big law firm at the end of it. And that is okay.
I was in a 3+3 program. Which means that I complete three years of undergrad and then move on to law school. My first year at law school also doubles as my last year in undergrad. It's nice to save a year's worth of tuition, but it did not prepare me for law school.
I am currently in my second year of law school, so I have almost one year left.
They say that the moment you enter law school, your brain will forever change, and I agree with that. My brain the summer before I started school was bubbly and happy. I was extremely outgoing and talkative. I was the president of an academic club I created, treasurer of a sorority, dog-sitting, and taking the lsat, So I was busy.
When I started law school, I was quickly bombarded with long, dry readings, long, dry classes, and anxiety. I've always had anxiety but this was different. I couldn't sit through a class without a minor panic attack. The kind that takes up your head and makes you internally freak out while appearing fine on the outside. Sitting through class, I wasn't afraid of cold calling, I was just afraid of being there. I also wasn't the smartest in the room, by a long shot and people made me feel bad about that.
The culture in law school is strange. When I first started my peers got very competitive and aggressive about having everyone know what grade you earned. And, if you didn't answer with a letter grade, if you said 'well' or 'not bad', they would keep hounding you. It became such an issue with my class that we would routinely be yelled at by professors for it.
I realize that this grad program and many others like it are demanding. They make it demanding to prepare you of the stress of real life, but that doesn't mean you need to take unhealthy and dangerous measures to do well. The law profession has a great deal of substance and alcohol abuse. It's a very real and concerning fact of the community. However, there should be a push and a focus to mitigate those stressors that can unfortunately guide people to these dark habits. There should be management of how much an associate has on their plate and lessons in school to teach students how to deal with the inevitable stress. Teaching kids how to manage their stress is important and builds healthy associates.
I have taken a short winter semester class that discusses mental health this past year and I have to say I was disappointed. Many of the lectures focused on how people hate their jobs. What I wanted to see was people who loved their job. You can love your career and still feel stressed, they're not mutually exclusive.
What I had hoped for was beyond the generic responses for dealing with stress. That mumbo-jumbo of meditating or keeping a gratitude journal or lowering your screen time. What they should focus on are things you can do outside of school. For instance, this. Me writing and posting my thoughts and things I love. Or making clubs that do not reference the law. (That's another axe to grind in another post). I was looking for real-life ways to be a whole human again. In school, they pound it in your head that you are a student first. Your life is now school. However, this is incredibly unhealthy.
I am a rule-follower through and through. I took that lesson seriously and I paid dearly. My grades were not where I wanted them to be. I would never give myself a break or time to digest the information I was learning. When I finally gave myself breaks or let myself watch an episode of reality tv (my favorite), I did so much better.
It doesn't need to be your whole life; you are a human outside of those walls. Humans are more than just one thing. To boil down a person to just 'law student' is dumb and it sets up students for believing they are not enough.
It's fair to say I am still learning how to manage law school, but I feel I am in a better position than I was. To anyone thinking about going to law school, listen to what your professors have to say about the experience, but do not make it the only reality it can be. Do what is best for you. Study the ways that are best for you. And most importantly know this; your peers are learning at the same time you are, their experience will not be the same as yours. I had a great professor who would say "Your mileage may vary", and it is absolutely true. No law student is made the same.
With love and lightheartedness,
Cici
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